


Where In the World is Regulus Black?

by zimakvet



Series: The Celebrity AU 'verse [3]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Asexual Gilderoy Lockheart, Characters Watching Disney Movies, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-28
Updated: 2018-06-28
Packaged: 2019-05-29 19:38:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,002
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15080261
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zimakvet/pseuds/zimakvet
Summary: This is moving in a direction that Reg isn’t sure comfortable with yet-- he hasn’t had anything like a real relationship since he pretended to date Lily Evans back in school. Come to think of it, the walls he throws up at anyone are probably a good bit of why that’s true. Still, emotions are something he tries his best to pretend don’t exist.Maybe being in England isn’t such a bad thing.





	Where In the World is Regulus Black?

**Author's Note:**

  * For [justahufflepuff](https://archiveofourown.org/users/justahufflepuff/gifts).



It started with a Discord message:

 

**Tiger Lily:** _ Gilderoy Lockheart is asking about you. _

 

You see, back in boarding school when Regulus was still trying to fool people into thinking he was straight, he might’ve talked a certain redheaded girl into pretending to date him. She’d been a scholarship student, not someone his parents approved of, but they approved of her more than if he’d brought a guy home.

 

So this is one of the more awkward things that could have come out of this situation. Out of all of the people that they apparently had in common, why did Gil have to ask  _ Lily? _

 

He types back a quick message before he can get yelled at for having his phone out on set:

 

**Murder Kitten:** _ oh god dnt tell me u told him _

 

The reply comes up almost instantly, though he doesn’t get the chance to reply before Lucinda is grabbing the phone out of his hand:

 

**Tiger Lily:** _ He was asking if he could ask Sirius for your number. _

 

That’s one of the most ridiculous things he’s heard in his life. There’s no way anyone would be willing to risk his wrath by giving his brother his phone number.

 

\---

 

It’s only hours later that Regulus gets his phone back. He’s got a lot of choice words for Lucinda when she hands it to him, but she just reminds him that he couldn’t manage any part of his life without her.

 

She’s probably right.

 

There’s a couple messages on the screen-- one from Bellatrix that he never plans to answer, one from Narcissa looking to schedule brunch, and so on. He sits back in his chair, opening Instagram to take the perfect tired post-shooting selfie for his story.

 

That’s when he sees it. A message on the screen, timestamped far too long ago and now it seems almost criminal for Lucinda to have taken his phone from him. He’ll have to look up that ‘constitution’ thing that the Americans keep rambling about so that he can quote it at her.

 

 **gildedgilderoy:** _you know for two people with so many acquaintances in common, I can’t believe it’s taken us so long to meet. I could’ve started your Disney education years ago_

 

He’d like to say he’d been thinking about nothing but Gilderoy Lockheart for the past few days, but that just wasn’t true. That night had been a drunken blur and the next day had been a hungover hell of airports and transatlantic flights. Then filming, filming, filming. He hadn’t had  _ time _ to think about anything.

 

 **regulusarcturus:** _I know we were both rather drunk at the time but I do remember my sordid Disney past coming up at least once._

 

 **gildedgilderoy:** _I’m glad you’re aware not seeing Lilo & Stitch is considered a capital crime._

 

 **regulusarcturus:** _Seeing what now?_

 

 **gildedgilderoy:** _It’s patently unfair for you to say things like that when I have no idea where you are so I can’t desert my work to come tie you to a chair and force you to watch it with me._

 

Now this is something Regulus hears more often. He still absolutely vetoes the idea of any sort of Disney thing playing in the background, but being tied to a chair is an offer he knows how to deal with.

 

 **regulusarcturus:** _That’s all it would take to get you to tie me to a chair?_

 

**gildedgilderoy** :  _ I’ll sit in your lap if it sweetens the deal ;) _

 

And of course a one-eighty degree turn right back into the realm of things he doesn’t know how to deal with. That’s not normally the deal on the table-- having your highly-publicized mental breakdown right after you turn eighteen doesn’t make a lot of people intend to stick around. He knows his reputation and he’s come to terms with it, so he just hopes Gil has had the good sense to Google his name before deciding to make offers like these.

 

Either that or Gilderoy’s got some weird-ass kink for Disney. That’s a definite  _ oh god no _ on his part, but somehow honestly seems more likely to him than the odds of anyone actually wanting to sign up for the Black family insanity.

 

Okay, now he’s  _ really _ got to check.

 

 **regulusarcturus:** _will we actually watch the movie?_

 

**gildedgilderoy:** I am personally offended that you think I’d lure you with the promise of life-changing Disney movies and not deliver.

 

There’s just one problem, though. Reg looks out the window at the rolling hills of his native England and audibly sighs-- he’s stuck across the pond for far longer than he’d like to be. 

**regulusarcturus:** How can you deliver when you don’t know where I am?

 

**gildedgilderoy:** Is that doubt I hear? Does Horton hear a doubter?

 

This is moving in a direction that Reg isn’t sure comfortable with yet-- he hasn’t had anything like a real relationship since he pretended to date Lily Evans back in school. Come to think of it, the walls he throws up at anyone are probably a good bit of why that’s true. Still, emotions are something he tries his best to pretend don’t exist.

 

Maybe being in England isn’t such a bad thing.

 

**regulusarcturus:** Horton most certainly does hear a doubter. Tell you what, find me, and you can tie me to a chair and do whatever you please.

 

**gildedgilderoy:** Challenge accepted. You’re about to watch so many Disney movies.

 

\-- 

Regulus thought long and hard about what he could send that’s a good enough clue, but not so obvious as to immediately give away where he was. Anything with a flag is too bold, just the countryside is too subtle. Fortunately, staying with Narcissa gives him lots of options. Her new husband’s manor really is too large, even by his standards.

 

He settles for a selfie in front of a banner with the Malfoy crest on it. For someone unfamiliar with minor British royalty, it might take some time to figure out.

 

Too bad he and Cissa are filming on location in Glasgow tomorrow.


End file.
